Counting My Mother’s Day Blessings as a Stepmom
As a stepmother, I can say without hesitation that I feel blessed. I am happy, love my life and wouldn’t change anything with my relationships with my husband, stepchildren and grandkids.
But I have to say, I’ve learned to grow into this role and find my place. And I know as much as I had to figure this out, my stepdaughters did too. Especially in the early years. It’s not our fault. It’s just how it goes. Through mutual respect, love and our commitment to each other, we’ve found our way, and it works.
What’s in a ‘Step’ Name?
Of course, most stepparents go by their Christian names, which makes sense. And I’ve learned to not cringe saying that dreaded “step” word. Blended families, which is how I grew up myself, are so much the norm; why should I get caught up in the technicality of a name, right?
Especially since I’m actually quite proud to claim that title of a mother figure of two special women in my life and my grandkids. I do admit it was quite liberating to drop the “step” name with my grandkids and having my own grandmother name.
I’ve often wondered why there isn’t a different, more positive name for stepmother? Like Nomo (‘nother mother) or B./Bee (mother B)? Those were the most acceptable of what I found through a Google search. That is, until I came across the Bonus Families website, a non-profit created by Dr. Jann Blackstone.
Her website is quite an inspiration and wish I knew about it sooner. She delves in on the positivity of blended stepfamilies today and having bonus family. There are blogs that help stepfamilies navigate unchartered waters. This would have been so helpful 25 years ago, but what a resource for new stepfamilies.
Formally defined, bonus family is: “Members of a family created by the parents living together, married or unmarried, not necessarily related by blood who have made the formal commitment to care and support each other throughout life.”
I like the idea of calling stepfamily members “bonus” and maybe over time this nomenclature will gain popularity. But for now, let’s focus on honoring all you incredible women today:
To all the MOTHERS out there – from biological, adopted, bonus – I raise my glass to you to toast your special day. We’re all in this nurturing role that deeply enriches our lives. So, if we can find a way to find the love and joy that makes us happy, what more could we ask for?
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It is a blessing to be an adored “bonus mom.” I was 34 when my mom died and my dad remarried a lovely woman who held our family together and gave us additional siblings to love. 23 years later, I still adore her (and my step-sister, and nephews), and look her after as if she was my own mother.
Susan, what a sweet story. I’ll hold onto this!
This is so sweet!! I love hearing your perspective!
Such a sweet and inspiring post.❤️
Sweet! Always great to see the positive in relationships! 🙂
Great post!
Great perspective. I am not a stepmom but your dedication to those children is amazing. They are definitely lucky to have you.
This is such a sweet post and I love how great of a relationship you and your “step” kids have. Any relationship can be hard to build and maintain, regardless of if the word “step” is in it, but you and your family have proven how good a relationship can be when you put in the work. 🙂
What a great way of looking at blended families. Love it! 😍
I love “bonus” instead of step! I even call my mother-in-law a bonus mom 🙂 Such a great post, especially for Mother’s Day!
I consider my in-laws bonus family too! 🙂
Such a heartwarming post. I like the term bonus family, because it’s true!
Such a great post! I love the idea of having other names than “step.” My husband calls his stepmom by her first name and that seems to work out well. After reading this post, I’m excited to see her as an abuela soon! Thanks for putting such great thoughts and resources together.
Bonus is a lovely way of putting it! I have a step-niece and completely agree that blended families are absolutely the norm now, so there’s nothing bad about the word “step” so never worry. 🙂
I love this new term “bonus.” I have have been a stepmom since I was 26 and didn’t have my own child until I was 34 and wasn’t sure if I was going to be blessed with my biological child. My stepkids are grown now and having children and living their own adventures in the life. I just got married again and became a grandmother to 2 more children. My new husband’s grandchildren! They are 3 and 5. And they have accepted me and called me Gramma yesterday. I am beyond thrilled!! But I will always love my stepchildren; I was married to their Dad for 19 years. That love and time you give to those children does not disappear because of a divorce. They live in my heart and always will!
Great blog post! I love that…considering it a bonus. The same is true in an open adoption arrangement. The more people who love you and the more for you to love is a true gift.
Foster or biological: Mother is just a mother.
This is great. How nice it would be to get rid of the “step” word. I’ve always hated it. Bonus is much more appropriate I think. Great blog post.
From one “bonus” mother to another, cheers! Love your blog, Laurie!
I love your thoughts on this topic Laurie. We can all use (and give) more love. Happy Mother’s Day to you! ❤️
I like Nomo … another mother.